To be sung along to the tune of 'I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General' by Gilbert and Sullivan. If you want the proper lyrics to the song, just email me.

Click here to download the midi file for the tune of the song (33 KB)

In honour of the title bestowed to me (see the index entry for this song), I've striven to improve the song. The new updated version is at the top, and the old version is at the bottom.

Also added are some pointers to the syllables you should stress or pause on.

New updated version

I am the very model of a brin-l net contributor,
I've information topical and facts that always fail to bore,
I've memorised ev'ry detail *of* interstellar travelling,
And mastered all the arts of being completely bewildering,

I've read 'The Uplift War' and the fine trilogy that followed it,
I moan about the media and how all the world just swallows it,
About the laws on handguns I am sending off a counterblast,
With many cheerful facts about the years fossil fuels'll last,

(Repeat 'With many...' three time)

I'll tell you why I know democracy's *a* flawed idea,
And many million jokes about those wacky guys in Canada,
In short in matters topical and facts that always fail to bore,
I am the very model of a brin-l net contributor

(In short in matters topical and facts that always fail to bore,
He is the very model of a brin-l net contributor)

I post about all matters of grave trans*national* importance,
Yes, eggplants, bad films and also military ordanance,
I really can't believe that Thomas Orley is now mythical,
And NASA's recent budgets cuts are frankly bloody typical,

I've upset several people with my comments on the Bible,
And sent a thousand posts just to be Alpha-Mail or Dog or Gal,
I check the mailing list for the latest messages constantly,
And my phone bill, well hell, that's just not my responsibility,

(Repeat 'And my phone bill...' three times)

I say that *tax* rises are always needed for de*vel*opment,
Yet when the taxman comes the shredders *fly* in the basement,
In short in matters topical and facts that always fail to bore,
I am the very model of a brin-l net contributor

(In short in matters topical and facts that always fail to bore,
He is the very model of a brin-l net contributor)

In fact when I know how to ac*cel*erate *to* point 9 of c,
When I know how to figure out Gord 'cos he's so damn crazy,
When I can write net mark up, COBOL and sometimes BASIC,
And when I've discovered that avoiding spam's an old trick,

When I have learnt why nuclear war isn't so bad at all,
And when I know that Brin's next book will be right out during this fall,
In short when I've two hundred posts to this mad mailing list,
You'll say a better contributor will never be so missed,

(Repeat 'You'll say a...' three times)

For all my worldly experience although I claim to know it all,
Could barely serve to hold my own in a brin-l flame brawl,
But still, in matters topical and facts that always fail to bore,
I am the very model of a brin-l net contributor

Old version

I am the very model of a brin-l net contributor.
I've information technical, trivial and topical,
I know every detail of interstellar travelling,
And mastered all the arts of being absolutely bewildering,

I've read 'The Uplift War' and the fine trilogy that followed it,
I moan about the media and how all the world just swallows it,
About the laws on handguns I am sending off a counterblast,
With many cheerful facts about the years fossil fuels'll last,

(Repeat 'With many...' three time)

I'll tell you why I know democracy's a flawed idea,
And many million jokes about those wacky guys in Canada,
In short in matters technical, trivial and topical
I am the very model of a brin-l net contributor

(In short in matters technical, trivial and topical
He is the very model of a brin-l net contributor)

I post about all matters of grave transnational importance,
Yes, eggplants, bad films and also military ordanance,
I really can't believe that Tom Orley is now mythical,
And that NASA's recent budgets cuts are frankly bloody typical,

I've upset several people with my comments on the Bible,
And sent a thousand posts just to be Alpha-Mail or Dog or Gal,
I check the mailing list for new messages constantly,
And my phone bill, well hell, that's just not my responsibility,

I say that tax rises are always needed for development,
Yet when the taxman comes the shredders fly in the basement,
In short in matters technical, trivial and topical,
I am the very model of a brin-l net contributor

(In short in matters technical, trivial and topical,
He is the very model of a brin-l net contributor)

In fact when I know how to accelerate to point 9 of c,
When I know how to figure out Gord 'cos he's so damn crazy,
When I can write net mark up, COBOL and sometimes BASIC,
And when I've discovered that avoiding spam's an old trick,

When I have learnt why nuclear war isn't so bad at all,
And when I know that Brin's next book will be right out during this fall,
In short when I've two hundred posts to this mad mailing list,
You'll say a better contributor will never be so missed,

(Repeat 'You'll say a...' three times)

For all my worldly experience although I claim to know it all,
Could barely serve to hold my own in a brin-l flame brawl,
But still, in matters technical, trivial and topical
I am the very model of a brin-l net contributor

(26/8/99)